tired

i don't know what should i do
i've told u b4 that i don't like when u adding other girls
do every boys act like this?
so silly u know
pretending like u're single n adding beautiful girls n told me "i'm just adding her, nothing else n u don't have to be so jealous about that"
but the fact is that u like to see their pics, wishing that they were ur girlfriend
i'm really really sick wid this situation
i think someday the time will come
coz all i know now is that
my faith in u was fading

Agnes Monica - Karna Ku Sanggup

Pelukmu yang dulu pernah buatku
Ku tak bisa paksamu tuk tinggal di sisiku
Walau kau yang selalu sakiti aku dengan perbuatanmu
Namun sudah kau pergilah jangan kau sesali

Reff:
Karena ku sanggup walau ku tak mau
Berdiri sendiri tanpamu
Aku mau kau tak usah ragu tinggalkan aku
Kalau memang harus begitu

Tak yakin ku kan mampu hapus rasa sakitku
Ku selalu perjuangkan cinta kita namun apa salahku
Hingga ku tak layak dapatkan kesungguhanmu

repeat reff [2x]

August 22th, 2010

coz i now i can, even i don't want to stand alone without u..

i'm going to be 21st!!

it's less than a month to my birthday
i'm going to be 21st on September 14th, 2010
wow, how time flies!
I feel like I am still 12 years old and still remembers clearly about the classes and classmates
about my lovely mom, who always cooked my breakfast b4 i go to school
who always buy me lots of "barbie things"
who always teach me how to be a great, independent n loving woman

i'm so proud to have u as my mom, eventought God put us together only for 12 years, but that 12 years is the best years in my life, n i'll never regret that

n in my 21st b'day, my hubby won't be able to accompany me
i feel a lil bit sad n upset, but i think i can handle that feelings
i have a lots of people who cares bout me n surroundings me with love
what else i have to think about?

i think my life is so perfect now, n i would like to say thanks to the people arounds me :
my cute babies, Pin-pin n Dingo
my beloved son, Blacky (RIP 27.07.09)
my lovely boyfriend
my great daddy
mu brother who always made me upset
and also to my lovely sistah (Lily n Lina) who always listen to me every time i need someone to talk to
ooo, and also to my sister in law, brother n law, nieces, etc..

my biggest thanks to my very best friend, Nchun.. i love u dear, 13 years!! my best buddy, my sister, my partner in crime ^^

27.07.2009

that is the day when u left me for good..
i haven't kiss u yet on that day
if only i could turn back time,
i'll hug u n kiss u million times,
n i'll tell u how much i love u

i'm so sorry that i wasn't by ur side when ur time has come
nobody can replace u from my heart
u are my son,
my best friend,
my love..
n i really really miss u.. a lot..

from the deepest of my heart,
i wish,
one day, when my time have come
i wish i could meet u again
we'll run n play together again in rainbow bridge
a beautiful place where we don't have to think about anything
it's just u n me
n i could hug u n kiss u,
n say

"mommy love u Blacky, n we'll never be apart again"

My Hubby

it's almost a year since we both tied up in a relationship..
n now, i feel like i can't live without him
i'm not lying, this is wad i feel..
n it comes from the deepest of my heart
i do love my hubby, every single day

when i'm all alone n at home, like now..
i miss him a lot
the fact is that i just met him yesterday
when he drove me home

i love his stomach
i love when he kiss me
i love when he made me gone mad
i love everything about him
n i know, i'll never find someone else better than him

i love u hubby,
n i hope that u'll be my real prince in the future
n u can call me "my wife"

N.B : i write this note almost 3 months ago, when i'm all alone at home n i miss him so much, i dedicated this for my love, love u hun ^^

ooppsss!!

i think i did something bad
really really really bad
OMG, i'm in shock now
huffffffffff

what a bad day, i'm all alone coz my hubby is at home
n i've hurt someone's heart
n i'm feeling sorry for this guy, for what i did to him
if only i could turn back time, i would never say that
it was an accident
u r my best buddy n u will always be
i hope that u r not mad at me
i'm so sorry

T______T

a MOMENT captured

yeah, i think "a MOMENT captured" is the best way to express d day that i've been through last week, bcoz last Saturday, i went to Singapore wid my bf n his family, what a great weekend to spend 2gether =)

eventhough it's only 2 days n 1 nite, i really had a great time. when his parents went to ****** (sorry i can't tell u, it's a secret =p) me, my bf n his sis go to the Universal Studios. n u know what?? US is really really reallyyyyy different from DUFAN. yeah, i guess everybody know that. hahaha

we watched WATER WORLD attraction, how hollywood makes film, madagascar, shrek (oh i love the 3D shrek movie in a far far away kingdom), mummy return, n many else. i'll never forget those experiences that i've had.

these r some moments that captured, enjoy it!!

Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown..

Until we meet again

I know what you're thinking. You think I'm dead. Because you cannot see me with your human eye, cannot feel me with your hands or hold me in your arms, you think I am gone forever.

You recall how I looked when I left this place, and you cannot remotely imagine that I could possibly be alive in another place. You are racked and torn by the pain of our separation and it blinds you to that which is right in front of you... me.

How many times since I left your immediate sight have you been told that I'm dead and you should "get over it?" How many times have you cried yourself to sleep because you feel like an outcast, believing you're supposed to get over me because that's what people say is normal but somehow you can't and no one seems to understand?

How many times have you put yourself through such excruciating pain because you aren't willing to consider that I am not, by any means, dead? I want you to do me a favour and go back in time with me. Remember the glorious day you brought me home - was I not the most intriguing creature you'd ever met? Did I not make you laugh and giggle? Did I not look at you with such adoration that you wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of your life with me? I wanted this too.

Remember the days when I was in my prime and we did many things together. You were so proud of me! I was a good friend and I took care of you when you cried, were angry or felt down and unhappy.

When you didn't have a lot of time for me because of your obligations, I waited patiently for you. I was always there when you needed me. Did I not look at you with such acceptance and patience that at times you felt perhaps a bit unworthy? You were never unworthy in my eyes.

Remember when age crept up on me, my bones became stiff and my movements slower. Still I met you at the door when you came home and followed you around the house. We'd been together for so long, I was your very best friend regardless of what you were doing, saying, thinking. Did I not look at you with such kindness and understanding that you felt overwhelmed? I couldn't get enough of you.

Remember the last time we saw each other with earthly eyes. You tried to be brave but I knew you were crying... I know you so well. Better than anyone else in the whole world. Did I not look at you with such pure trust and love that you yearned only to hold me close and keep me with you always? Did you not promise that you would love me forever? I believed you.

If this is so then why have you let me go by thinking I no longer exist? Remember the depth in my eyes all those times I looked at you with adoration, acceptance, patience, trust and love. Who created this depth and love? Would the Creator diminish the song of our laughter which was created in the name of love? I am no longer an earthly figure, this is true. My body was only part of who I really am. My body would have been but a mere shell on earth if it were not filled to overflowing with my soul, my spirit, my loving light. When we met you thought I was cute, sweet, pretty and adorable. But what kind of relationship would we have had if this were all that I'd been? How could you have loved me if I'd had no spiritual substance?

We are all made up of energy that resides far deep down inside of us, it is our core, our soul, spirit and loving light. It is the energy that is all of life... it has no beginning, it has no end. It simply is and always will be and without it there is no life. You can't see it with the naked eye nor can you hold it in your hand, it is simply a certain knowing that this energy does exist. It's a knowing just as you know that our love existed on earth - you couldn't see our love in a solid sense, you couldn't gather it all up and confine it to one place. But you knew it existed. There was no doubt in your mind.

They demand you get over me, insisting that I'm dead and you'll never see me again because animals don't go to heaven. Oh really?

I'm here to tell you different. You were worthy of my love and undying devotion on earth as I of yours. Do you really believe this love would be snatched from us forever by a loving Creator simply because I wasn't human? Was I not a living, breathing creation with personality? How could I have been so if I didn't possess the energy of soul, spirit and loving light? And if this energy is and always will be, then how can it be that I am dead?

If my core is not of the energy that is all of life then I was never alive to begin with. But you know better.

You cry because you miss me, this I understand. I miss you too - miss the belly rubs, hugs and kisses that we shared. But life does go on beyond these wonderful, fulfilling physical connections.

I came to this place to live a whole new life, not because I didn't love you anymore or because I wanted something better. I came here because it was time for me to go to the next phase of my existence, something all living creatures must do eventually. It is the normal progression of life. I was not taken away from you because you cannot take away that which was never owned. My presence in your life was and is a gift to be cherished and honored just as I cherish and honour you.

Life is not simply about being born into a body, living a certain number of years and then dying. Energy cannot die. We are blessed with time in a body so that we can learn, share and grow. It prepares us for the next phase of our eternal life. The body holds within it the true life force of our existence... our soul, spirit and loving light. Without these our bodies would be empty, blank, void of feeling and expression. Without our energy we would indeed be dead and could never have experienced our love for each other.

You say that all you have left are memories. Not so. You see, when I took leave of my earthly body I left a little something behind for you. You can't touch it, hold it or examine it for what I left behind is far too uninhibited for confinement. I left behind a piece of my soul. I placed it right next to your own which is quite fitting as we were always side by side in our earthly life together. I love you too much to have left you with nothing but memories that tend to fade and grow cloudy as the years go by.

I love you too much to have vanished without a trace. How selfish it would be of me to remove love and light from your life.

I understand your tears, each one you shed is testament to your love for me and I am honoured and humbled. But don't forget the good things we shared - remember and smile. This is an honor for me as well. And when you need me I will be here. Close your eyes, relax, take slow, deep breaths and picture me in your mind. Shut off the world and your notions of what death is and give me a chance. Look for the subtle signs I send you. Don't stop being proud of me, I am a friend to be proud of, I am still your friend and soul mate.

Don't memorialize the death of my body but instead honor and celebrate my never-ending life for it is eternal and forever as is my love for you.

Until we meet again...

(Author Unknown)

Blacky

In memoriam,

my son, my best friend, my love,
Blacky

yup, that's my dog name.. i named him Blacky, my fluffy black hair dog,,
july 27th 2009, i will always remember that day
the day that i lost u for 4ever
another death come into my life.. after wad happened to my mom in 2000..
n now it happened to 1 of my dogs, Blacky, my son..
he was an unusual dog, and I often felt like he was more human than the rest of us

Siang itu, pas g bngn tdr, g lgsg keluar kamar. N seperti biasa, Blacky ud dateng jingkrak" dengan gaya centilnya dia buat nyambut g yang baru bngn tdr. Namun krn waktu itu g br bngn tdr n masih setengah sadar, g cuma elus kepala dia doank. Padahal selama ini g gk pernah absen buat cium jidad dia tiap kale g liad dia. Itu adalah tindakan yg g sesali ampe skr. Tiap x g inget hal itu, dada g rasanya nyesek bgt.

Gak lama kemudian, dia dimandiin ma pembantu n bokap g d lt atas. N biasa dia di diemin disana mpe sore biar bulunya kering. Dia gong" mulu tuh, g pikir gpp coz emank biasa dia kek gt, tp tw"nya sore dia dah gk gong" lg. Pembantu g naik buat turunin dia, n ternyata dia uda tiduran gk bernyawa.

Pembantu g lgsg teriak manggil bokap g (g yang lg d kmr lgsg keluar krn kaget). Trs dia bilang "Blacky udah gada", g syok mpe diem. G lgsg naik k atas, n ternyata..

Terbaringlah anjing g, Blacky, dengan tubuh yg uda kaku. N g gk sadar tw" air mata g uda turun aja. Lgsg saat itu juga dia dikubur d kebon belakang rumah g. N g ngurung diri d kamar bareng ma 2 doggy g yg laen (g punya 3 anjing, 2 itu pomeranian, Dingo n Pin" n 1 lg itu Blacky, labrador campuran).

Pas g lari naik nyamperin Blacky, doggy g yg laen naek k atas, yg 1 gong" n yg 1 lg mw nyium dia. Mungkin mereka ngerti x yah? G gk tw, yg paste mpe skr g masih merasa kehilangan bgt. Dia maish muda, umurnya blm nyampe 3thn. Tapi knp dia hrs pergi skr? Apa salah dia? G nangis gak karuan. N Pin" dateng duduk d pangkuan g sambil jilatin air mata g. Dingo diem duduk d samping g. Saat itu g ngerasa mereka pun tau apa yg terjadi n ikut ngerasain sedih.

Kenakalan dia yang selalu buat g senyum n ketawa, gimana dia gigit rok sekolah g dulu mpe bolong, maen lempar tangkep boneka, tidur bareng g, ambil makanan dr meja makan, kencing sembarangan, dimarahin bokap g, berantem ma Dingo ampe Dingo dibawa k dokter krn matanya setengah keluar (untung bisa dimasukin lg dengan cara dicolok n gk perlu di operasi). Bandel tapi cute.. that's my boy..

Selama hampir 1 minggu g nangis, 3 hr pertama g gk bisa tidur mpe subuh. Tiap mlm g serasa denger suara langkah kaki dia yg nyamperin g minta d elus, julat" tangan g n muka g, n juga pas dia lagi ngejer tikus. G inget tiap mlm kl g lg drmh, dia mw tdr paste g gelitikin dl ato gak g elus". G nyanyiin lagu" buat dia. N ampe skr tiap mlm g berdoa, supaya dia skr udah seneng di "sana", gk perlu ngerasain sakit lg.

G menyesal krn waktu itu g gk nyium dia, g blm bilang "mommy loves u", g belom ajak dia main, g belom peluk dia. N semua penyesalah g itu datengnya terlambat. Semua uda terjadi n yg bisa g lakuin skr hanya belajar dr pengalaman. Semoga dia tw kl g sayang dia, melebihi apapun. Gada yg bisa ngalahin rasa cinta g ke doggy" g.

N skr g cuma bisa bilang..

gudbye Blacky,
4ever u'll be in my heart..
love u my son..

i dedicated this post for my lovely son ;(

it's January 12th (=^_^=)

like i said b4
it's january 12th
n it's our 7 months anniversary today =))
n i'm so happy that i found u
there are so many reasons why i love u..

i love the way u look at me
i love when u makes me laugh
i love ur stomach.. hahaha
i love when u tickles my arms
i love to talk n share anything wid u
i love when u gives me sweet kisses
u're so cute when u makes the cutest facial expressions
u like to try new things
u makes me feel special

P.S : i'll love u no matter wad happen n i hope that u'll always beside me for 4ever >o<